Rebirth / Second Chances

The following is an open letter which I publish in some form or another, sometimes privately sometimes publicly every year and have been now for 10 years. I think it's massively important that we examine the idea of second chances whether we're receiving or giving them. I try to do this for others when I can.

Thanks and love to you all!

11 years ago today, I was involved in a very serious bike crash. This incident which I will describe further, left me dead in the street (and I still would be, if it were not for my friend Ian) so naturally, today is a very special day to me.

It was October 9th, 2003, my friend Ian and I were out on a late night bike ride around White Bear Lake. The night was clear; it was fall, so it was cool. About 3/4 way around the 11 mile ride I was coming down a hill, it was dark. I was around 100 yards in front of Ian at this time.  Still unexplained to this day, Ian saw me take a sharp left off the road; it is assumed that an animal, perhaps a deer, had run out in front of me.

At about 25-30 mph I collided face first into a large mailbox affixed to the ground with two large 4x4 posts. I’d like to stop here and allow you to observe the photo. A few things to point out: 1. I rolled this mailbox into the ditch, broke one of the 4x4 posts in half. 2. the middle mailbox is number 69. 3. Please to be observing the large metal shank sticking out of the side where I hit it (imagine your face on this)

Ian came up to me, I was lying on the ground, face down, Unconscious, not breathing, no pulse…. You know, dead. Rolling me over, slapping me about and pumping on my chest, Ian was able to revive me. All of this, including the following is on his account. I remember nothing an hour before hand, to long after. 

“Wait here, I will go get help” Ian runs to a house, slamming on the door. “Who’s there” says the startled home owner from inside a house at 1:00 in the morning “it’s ME” Ian exclaims!.... He gets them to call 911 and returns to find me, well, he doesn't. In shock, I have decided to get up and start walking my bike down the road; I was trying to go home. 

He convinces me to stop; when the paramedics arrive it takes Ian, a police officer, and both paramedics to wrestle me into the back of the ambulance (gangster). This is probably a good point to describe the extent of my injuries for the best idea of why this is crazy. I sustained a very large impact which left me with my face ripped wide open. My lip was essentially ripped off my face. I ended up with 36 stitches in my upper lip, 12 stitches under my tongue, 10 stitches in my nose (which was VERY broken) a fractured chest plate, lacerations from head to toe, a stretched MCL and a brain contusion ( that’s when your brain hits the inside of your skull so hard that it bruises)

I spent a good amount of time in the hospital, they had to keep me awake because every time I would start dozing off, I would stop breathing, and we all know you need to breathe in order to stay alive. I have pictures of myself shortly after, they are very hard to look at for me, and if you’re really curious I can dig one up for you. Essentially my face looked like a big purple balloon that someone took a cheese grater to. 

So, what is the point of this? Well, I see it as rebirth, or second chance. Today, when I wake up, despite my differences, despite the pain and difficulty in my life, I know, in my heart of hearts and the depth of my being; that there is no excuse to be upset. Every day with a heartbeat, is a blessing, a true and beautiful, wonderful, amazing blessing. I can walk, I can talk, I have a roof over my head and I have hundreds of amazing people in my life. I could not be happier to be alive. 

So what I want to say is, I love you, I love you all, thank you for being a part of this journey of mine. For whatever reason the universe decided it was not time for me to go that night, I am excited to discover why, I am excited in every moment and in every breath. 

So I walk around with joy, I rarely frown, and when I do I over compensate with a bigger smile. I create and dance as if the gods depend on it, I feel every moment with vigor and I spread as much love as I can at any turn.

Thank you, your good friend

-Matthew.