Resilience and Fortitude

My beautiful, talented, loving, genuine and resilient friend: Lainey Wright

Good Morning Feel Gooders! Today I have a special request of you, but I’ll get into that towards the end. Again today I will be writing about a specific person (Which I really enjoy doing, and may just do for everyone I know) However, it’s with a heavy heart that I do so as she’s going through an immensely difficult day, today. It’s not my place to go into specifics, and I want to continue the aim of bringing her positivity; I’ll just say it’s an immensely difficult time.

Lainey Wright is a woman I met along with her equally amazing husband about 6 years ago.  I was immediately attracted and inspired by them as people because we’re cut and woven from the same fabric.  Similar to me, LW speaks her mind and dissolves with the small talk. She has an uncanny ability to make you laugh and cringe simultaneously with an eloquent verbal graffiti; Saying things that you’re already thinking with a boisterous brilliance.

LW is a striking, elevated and radiant mother of two smashing and splendid children. She is noble in her motherhood and genuine beyond measure. She’s a blogger, writer, photographer, a beautiful singer and musician, artist and friend. She and her husband have been remarkable friends to me. They have shown me kindness, respect and have allowed me to be me, seeing my heart for what it is and reflecting understanding emotions into my world.  

In life, difficulty and darkness have the tendency to obtrude unexpectedly, what that level of pain can induce to the self alone can be scary, dangerous and has its own set of consequences. Sometimes, we find ourselves in a situation of which we are totally unaware, you’re blindsided and your house is collapsing and you find yourself losing hope… or? You’re secure like a mountain and your resilience does not fall to the inferior elements around you and your perseverance alone is what prevents what seems like slow progress from dwindling into nothing.  This is LW.

I spend every day trying to find a way to position life so that the wind can blow from behind me, so that even difficulty and tragedy can somehow become a catalyst for success and fortitude. LW to me has shown me and unfolded for my eyes brilliance in this art. She’s taken amazingly difficult burdens and taken them down with spunk, devotedness and resilience.

For this, Lainey Wright: is my mentor today in finding positivity, in allowing life to come in and intelligently letting it back out. Thank you and I love you.

Now back to your part in this. Today I want you to help me spread as much joy as you can. You can come into this however you feel is your best and strongest. Here are some ideas:

• ·         Call or write someone you admire and tell them about it
• ·         Say I love you a few more times today, no matter who it is for.
• ·         Do some cartwheels
• ·         Make that hug last a little longer
• ·         Sing, dance, SCREAM and smile
• ·         Listen to great music incredibly loud, feel that shit
• ·         Share my story today, see if we can get others on board, spread the news
• ·         Make some art, give some art, receive some art
• ·         Get your feet dirty and appreciate the rain, BE in the rain. 
• ·         Smile at a stranger
• ·         Skip the small talk, get real with somebody
• ·         Look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful
•       And most importantly DONT TAKE ANY SHIT!! 

Thank you everyone for reading, as always, spread the love and positivity for me, for us, today!! I love you all!!! 

Rebirth / Second Chances

The following is an open letter which I publish in some form or another, sometimes privately sometimes publicly every year and have been now for 10 years. I think it's massively important that we examine the idea of second chances whether we're receiving or giving them. I try to do this for others when I can.

Thanks and love to you all!

11 years ago today, I was involved in a very serious bike crash. This incident which I will describe further, left me dead in the street (and I still would be, if it were not for my friend Ian) so naturally, today is a very special day to me.

It was October 9th, 2003, my friend Ian and I were out on a late night bike ride around White Bear Lake. The night was clear; it was fall, so it was cool. About 3/4 way around the 11 mile ride I was coming down a hill, it was dark. I was around 100 yards in front of Ian at this time.  Still unexplained to this day, Ian saw me take a sharp left off the road; it is assumed that an animal, perhaps a deer, had run out in front of me.

At about 25-30 mph I collided face first into a large mailbox affixed to the ground with two large 4x4 posts. I’d like to stop here and allow you to observe the photo. A few things to point out: 1. I rolled this mailbox into the ditch, broke one of the 4x4 posts in half. 2. the middle mailbox is number 69. 3. Please to be observing the large metal shank sticking out of the side where I hit it (imagine your face on this)

Ian came up to me, I was lying on the ground, face down, Unconscious, not breathing, no pulse…. You know, dead. Rolling me over, slapping me about and pumping on my chest, Ian was able to revive me. All of this, including the following is on his account. I remember nothing an hour before hand, to long after. 

“Wait here, I will go get help” Ian runs to a house, slamming on the door. “Who’s there” says the startled home owner from inside a house at 1:00 in the morning “it’s ME” Ian exclaims!.... He gets them to call 911 and returns to find me, well, he doesn't. In shock, I have decided to get up and start walking my bike down the road; I was trying to go home. 

He convinces me to stop; when the paramedics arrive it takes Ian, a police officer, and both paramedics to wrestle me into the back of the ambulance (gangster). This is probably a good point to describe the extent of my injuries for the best idea of why this is crazy. I sustained a very large impact which left me with my face ripped wide open. My lip was essentially ripped off my face. I ended up with 36 stitches in my upper lip, 12 stitches under my tongue, 10 stitches in my nose (which was VERY broken) a fractured chest plate, lacerations from head to toe, a stretched MCL and a brain contusion ( that’s when your brain hits the inside of your skull so hard that it bruises)

I spent a good amount of time in the hospital, they had to keep me awake because every time I would start dozing off, I would stop breathing, and we all know you need to breathe in order to stay alive. I have pictures of myself shortly after, they are very hard to look at for me, and if you’re really curious I can dig one up for you. Essentially my face looked like a big purple balloon that someone took a cheese grater to. 

So, what is the point of this? Well, I see it as rebirth, or second chance. Today, when I wake up, despite my differences, despite the pain and difficulty in my life, I know, in my heart of hearts and the depth of my being; that there is no excuse to be upset. Every day with a heartbeat, is a blessing, a true and beautiful, wonderful, amazing blessing. I can walk, I can talk, I have a roof over my head and I have hundreds of amazing people in my life. I could not be happier to be alive. 

So what I want to say is, I love you, I love you all, thank you for being a part of this journey of mine. For whatever reason the universe decided it was not time for me to go that night, I am excited to discover why, I am excited in every moment and in every breath. 

So I walk around with joy, I rarely frown, and when I do I over compensate with a bigger smile. I create and dance as if the gods depend on it, I feel every moment with vigor and I spread as much love as I can at any turn.

Thank you, your good friend

-Matthew. 

Not Giving Up (Fine Line) Letting Go

 Well hello there Feel Gooders! First things first, sorry about my recent absence, among the litany of excuses are: family issues, a car crash and a vacation but to be completely truthful it’s just not been there for me the last couple weeks which can happen, everything in stride.

:::

Many of my activities over the past several months have been around the idea of moving on and letting go. I've done everything from meditation and yoga, going to festivals, binge music listening, dancing, weeping, binge partying and wild behavior, exercise, eating, dieting, I started a blog and made a bunch of art and I even did some shopping for needless shit.

As I did mental battle with myself over the past year and did this work on letting go, I realized that part of the arduous nature of it, the knee scraping climb out of the dirt while memories and lessons of life form strenuous grabbing, pulling, blocking hands of resistance… that it’s hard not because I can’t let go, but because I don’t want to give up.

So I poked around real quick when I knew I wanted to write about the similarities of the two (Giving up and letting go), boy am I late to the party… literally the thought is discussed at nausea, blogs, articles, scholarly journals, shitty annoying quotes and memes, etc.

So in the spirit of being brief, and not boring you with something I’m clearly the last to make correlation on, I’ll just say that I think it’s OK to tell ourselves, from time to time, it’s acceptable to give up.  It was clearly an internal battle for me of right vs. wrong, attachment vs. commitment and damage vs. preservation. All in all, I think we do ourselves harm in the hopes of holding on, because maybe even subconsciously, we think we’re doing what’s right.  I'm such an all in tough skin soft heart kind of man that I literally had to physically, emotionally and verbally tell myself it was ok to move on, to give up...

So today I want to tell you, it’s ok to give up, really, but you have to let yourself know… say it in your head, say it out loud, repeat it a bunch of times. It worked for me

“It’s ok to give up on that, let it go”

Now look at all that space you have for growth, it’s pretty great!

The last bits of a lost love burning in Temple BM14

"To gracefully retreat in a heated atmosphere is not easy; however, it has the advantage of preventing the compromise of integrity and a loss of grace. This can only be achieved by the exercise of superior character. In this case, it is only inferior characters that suffer, losing the guidance of the superior. So, rise to the occasion. Proper handling of a setback is an opportunity for greater progress in the long run"

:::

"When all signs point to retreat or resignation, the proper course of action must be followed without regret. Sometimes great issues resolve themselves; in such cases, it doesn't help you to remain attached to futile goals and ambitions. The most successful approach is a cheerful acceptance of fate, and a willingness to proceed along the open road -- even if it leads you into unfamiliar realms. If you can leave them smiling, this is a great success."

Bonne Âme

Hello Feel Gooders!!

Sorry for the late distro, I had some concerned feel gooders checkin in on their happy. Today’s gonna be a quick, personal, fluffy puffy shout out style to a real solid individual. Since most of you don’t know her, I’ll tie it in some way with some absurd and gooey moral of the story bit.

I’m not going to out this person in the TFFG here, she can do that to herself if she wants, not even gonna tell her I’m doing it; she’ll figure it out on own. Tomorrow is her Birthday, so it’s fun to give her some mad props and a little trumpeting ego boosting. 

To protect the identity of the innocent, let’s just call her “Bonne Âme.” Bonne Âme and I were friends way back in the day, throwback style all up in high school and everything… given that I’m basically the oldest man on earth now this makes that a long time ago and a worthy length of time in frienship. Bonne Âme and I never were romantic per se, but I’m fairly certain we’ve both considered it. Bonne Âme Is a truly special person, and I’ll tell you why. 

For starters she’s done and accepted challenges in her life that I would never be able to take on, that I would have run in fear of disregarding my integrity as I tossed the option out a moving train, for this she’s admirable. 

Bonne Âme is so incredibly clever and witty, I don’t hand this compliment to many, if any; The reason for this being that I too am incredibly clever and witty (Yes, and pompous) so having a companion in the game of hilarious quip that most don’t get, priceless, for this she’s invaluable.

Bonne Âme is incredibly thoughtful. This is something I struggle with, and hold her ability to be so in the highest regard. Remembering my birthday (Without facebook, ya goddam cheaters!) and sending me gifts without solicitation or apparent need. For this she is gracious.

But most importantly, despite the fact we’ve hardly spent that much time together; she’s taken the time to see me for who I really am, she sees my heart and my good nature.  She’s shared with me my own frustrations when I alone thought I was yet again the only one who understands my truth and intention. Genuine beyond description, beautiful in her care for me and all things, for this she is Une âme très belle et aimante, A very beautiful and loving soul.

To bring it around, here is to Bonne Âme,! and to YOUR  Bonne Âme, and all that they do for you. 

Another take, maybe there is someone in your life, who you see as they are… have you told them? Empathized with them? Called them out for the amazing person they are or maybe even help YOU to be? Maybe you’re not best friends, or close friends; however, you may be really important to them and you just don’t know it yet. Our hearts and minds seek validation in life, we want to be heard and understood, yes?

Maybe your challenge today is to reach out to someone and just let them know, I get it, and I see you.

Love you Bonne Âme!! Happy birthday!

MWAH!!!

 

Ethos, Ethics and Enjoyment

Hello Feel Gooders! 

Please to be reading the next line in your best monster truck rally voice, yall know what I mean.

It’s Friday, Friday Friday!! It’s a basketball sportsmanship EXTRAVAGANZA!!! It’s ten dollars a seat but you’ll only need the EDddggGE!!!!

"True sportsmanship is…Knowing that you need your opponent because without him or her, there is no game." -Lorii Myers

So, since starting this blog and distro email I've been exposed to a healthy amount of feel good stories, some that are shared with me (which is very much welcomed so keep them coming!!) and others I take note of because I’m in that mindset. This Friday I have two unique stories that are somewhat similar but each with their own remarkable outcomes, the first of which was shared with me.

WiKi defines sportsmanship as follows:

Sportsmanship (or sometimes sports-personship) is an aspiration or ethos that a sport or activity will be enjoyed for its own sake, with proper consideration for fairness, ethics, respect, and a sense of fellowship with one's competitors.

Now those of you that know me are aware that I don’t really care for sports, especially pro sports. I watch a bit of baseball here and there but for the most part I find them to be… well, negative comments aside I will say, that I love sportsmanship.  The definition above is great, right?

Two videos, the first is about Jason McElway. He’s a special needs autistic kid who’s his high schools basketballs team captain. The video explains it best.  Some of you will have seen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdmdtNJNC2I

 Tell me that didn’t get at you just a little? McElways coach, Jim Johnson embraced a true level of positivity in sportsmanship by taking on the “Enjoyed for its own sake” He just wanted to play the game and make sure everyone enjoyed it. Amazing.

I came across a second story that was similar, but this one isn’t the ending they were expecting, this story’s heroes are different.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTaB-hPg0P4

Again, a powerful display of sportsmanship by the coach, but the unexpected hero here is on the opposing team,  Jonathon Montanez. Jonathon embraced the positivity by showing “proper consideration for fairness, ethics, respect, and a sense of fellowship with one's competitors.”

I think that when you examine these and a myriad of examples of sportsmanship we know that there is a strong community, sharing and overall sense of joy shared by all… perhaps it’s time to examine where this disappears as competition becomes more severe and monetary based.  This week, I’m going to focus on the positivity of true sportsmanship in the things I do.

Happy Friday

“After I hit a home run I had a habit of running the bases with my head down. I figured the pitcher already felt bad enough without me showing him up rounding the bases.”
― Mickey Mantle

“Our bodies change our minds, and our minds change our behavior, and our behavior changes our outcomes”

Hello Friday Feel Gooders!!!

Friday is here again and man, is it a pretty one. (Depending on where you are. the PAC NW is delivering today!!)  Todays post is a bit long, so if you’re like me and have the attention span of a gnat for online reading, I apologize… but read it anyway, you make me happy!

Last week I wrote about self-talk and about how the message you’re approaching life with can dictate who you become. This message resonates really deeply with what I am trying to do with this blog as I mentioned. There was something missing though, the idea is/was there but I needed one more component. I knew I had already heard this message and I just needed to get to that nook n cranny in my brain to remember just where I saw it, and replay it.

So I just finished my last term for my AA and graduated with honors, (Shameless self-promotion) where one of my last classes was Speech Communications. The Professor, Heather, had shown us this video which I thought was cute at the time but mostly it washed over me. I had already been writing this blog and doing my thing etc.  I am realizing that video, the message in that video is the quintessential message for me and my TFFG project.  

The Jist:

Amy Cuddy is an American social psychologist known for her research on stereotyping and discrimination, emotions, power, nonverbal behavior, and the effects of social stimuli on hormone levels. What does this have to do with me, my blog and my new outlook? Everything:  My whole need for this blog is about forced perspective and a manipulated persona. This video is about 20 minutes but it’s great, I hope you can find the time to hear it through; my thoughts afterword will make more sense.  

Here’s why this video was bouncing around in my head unbeknownst to me, because the reality of me, this blog and my new mission is that it IS fake… on a level.  All this positivity, up-beat and forward thinking, get er done life is great attitude?? That’s not me by definition, so what I am doing IS, in fact, faking it until I become it. Those of you who know me well, know that I can be cynical, mean and negative; I’m not saying all the time, but it’s in me and was certainly a bigger part of my world view,  so that’s what I was becoming… more and more every day especially with the huge waves of heartache I had been facing. That being said, (and I’m slopping tears on my face as I type this) some of you have come to me and made it a point to tell me how you see the change, that I am positive and giving off light. WHAT COULD BE MORE AWESOME THAN THAT??? It’s working goddammit, I am becoming it.

Closing thoughts, this quote from her during the video…

“Having your core identity taken from you, nothing makes you feel more powerless than that”

I don’t know about you but this resonated with me so much and on so many levels. What is it in your life that you want to become? How do you get there, and when you finally do and the world takes it away from you what are you LEFT with?

So… how do I go out there and start to... FEEL BIGGER. BE BIGGER

How do I stop being my sickness? How do I not become my losses?

How do I not let the pain in my HEART take EVERYTHING AWAY from me?

How do I get up, TODAY, and be MORE than I was YESTERDAY?

I’M GONNA Stand UP, Stretch out, and DECIDE 

that today I AM THE HEAVY WEIGHT CHAMPION

of my own existence and person

AND NOBODY

Is gonna. Knock. Me. Down.

AGAIN

The basic to the complex: Self talk becomes who we are.

Happy Friday, Feel-Gooders!  I took last Friday off for the fourth even though there are more new comers and you were promised some sunshine, back on track kids! Big Hugs, Big apologies! 

Each Friday I have this “terrible” problem of deciding what to write about. There has been so much (good) going on and I've got enough content in the positivity reserves for months to come. Ever since starting this distro which turned blog I get a healthy kickback of ideas, not to mention the general outlook and choices I am making brings me to like-minded content, which brings me to my subject for today.

Part of the reason I started this blog was for my personal mission in character manipulation, making choices to be a better person. I truly believe that we’re a product of our environment, and with that the subsequent choices we make and the people we are come from this.  Being more positive is a choice I am making to enrich my environment so that the outcomes I produce for myself and others enrich theirs.  (Cyclical, yes?)

Two stories today, both taken from observations in the last few days of posts my friends have made on various social media sites. I hope they see my blog and know that the cycle of positivity and their message grows as we all take it on. Both stories encompass the idea about positive self-talk, and how we change our lives in the basic to complex decisions we make about who we want to be.

The Basic:

Small changes can have a huge impact; Mauricio Estrella tells the following story on how a choice he made to embrace positivity in a small message made dynamic impacts to his life, by simply using a daily task to change his mindset. The story is best told through his own words

HERE https://medium.com/@manicho/how-a-password-changed-my-life-7af5d5f28038

This is a huge inspiration for me; he took something mundane, and on the surface relatively useless, and changed it into a mission of change.  As I look now at the smaller things in my life I am thinking about where those opportunities might be.

The Complex:

Not everything is as simple as a password, so when big life changes come we’re forced with choices that most of us may have the proclivity to fall under, life is heavy sometimes and it may seem it’s never getting off your back. What would you do if you were faced with the inevitable outcome that you were going to lose your left foot? I would probably have some extreme emotional problems with it. This following young man, Joe, made the choice to have it impact his life in a dramatically different way.

Joe made the choice to amputate his left foot after suffering with pigmented villonodular synovitis, or PVNS. Joe however made some amazing subsequent choices about who he was going to be, how it was going to impact him and what to do with it. Everything from getting a dotted tattoo on the leg for the surgeon to cut along, to dreaming up future Halloween costumes in which he’s a surfer and his girlfriend a shark.

Images HERE http://imgur.com/a/TOEKR#uLWsZEW

And HERE http://metro.co.uk/2014/07/10/amputee-makes-heartwarming-farewell-foot-photo-album-4793199/

More from him on Reddit where he did an AMA HERE 

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/2a3vzb/im_the_brother_who_chose_to_get_a_belowtheknee/

 We’re all faced with basic and complex choices, it’s cliché to say things about how a positive attitude, this and that, but really, REALLY. It works. I caught myself the other day getting all grumpy and piss faced about the way a web site worked, I literally let some stupid shit ruin 10 minutes of my life? It’s my choice, pure and simple. I’d love to hear from you on your examples of positive self-talk and how it’s improved your life. Till next Friday! FEEL GOOD!!!!!