WIVES, HUSBANDS, MARRIAGES, FAMILY, FRIENDS. 

Hello Friday Feel-Gooders!

I was MIA for a couple weeks and I apologize for that, I had a few things going on that needed my absolute attention… ok maybe I could have pulled it off anyhow but let’s not be too upset with me

This last weekend my great friends Chris and April were married. It was a strange situation for me as recent difficulties in my own marriage have led to me basically losing my wife last November. I didn’t really want to go at first, it was something I had to do though; not in the sense that I owe it to Chris and April, or that I felt obligated to be at their wedding… I wanted to be there, I had to go because it’s time for me to move on emotionally.

I've been walking around with this ghost on my shoulder for months now, followed by an empty space that was my companion in all things, no hand to hold, no one to share each moment and breath with. I've been beating myself up and falling into this abrasiveness of a pounding ocean tide of emotion. Facing things that I am afraid of will help me to dry land, so to speak.

Seeing and connecting with friends I had not seen in years, seeing joy on their faces to see me! And the love and energy of this wedding, and weekend, were amazingly therapeutic for me.

I love and respect all that everyone involved in this weekend did; you may not know how much this time spent meant to me…

On the way out of town we stopped for Coffee, someone had noticed my tattoo on my foot. The tattoo simply is an outline of Oregon and it says “EMMY” my wife’s (nic) name. I usually get the same reaction when I say what it is; a cringe or, an “I’m sorry”

I explained “It’s not like that for me, it brings me no grief nor will it ever, nor will I regret or feel shame in it” Point being, the person I am able to be today because of who Emily was for me is so much better than the person I would be without her. I went on to say I would tattoo her name on me today, she’s one of the most influential and important people in my life, ever, and I would honor her any day.

Part of the reason Emily left, was because of my behaviors, I was manipulative, controlling and even abusive at times. This is hard to admit out into the public air but I have no problems saying it because I am able to destroy these character demons due to being forced to face them... I didn't even know I could be this shitty person until she pointed it out, now I have been able to do the work on myself I should have been doing for years. I get to be a better person, because of her. 

Point being, these Wives, Husbands, partners or companions that we have, or even lose for that matter do things for us we gain value from on incredible levels. Acknowledging that we choose these people to be in our lives for these benefits (whether we know it or not) and telling them about it, honoring them is appropriate.

So here is to everyone in my life, who deserves honoring, I love you, I respect you and I admire you. Thank you for being my friends, my family and my companions or even my wife. Thank you for making me the better me, it’s invaluable beyond words or award and I couldn't do it without you!

I’d encourage you to examine a change in your life or character piece that was made by a loved one, and maybe let them know, it could make their day… I know you all have made mine!

-Cheers,

-BARTA